Run Mary, Run!

As long as we're contributing to the hubbub over a possible "draft DeFazio" movement, wouldn't it be cool if someone from Oregon actually became President? It's not bloody likely this time around, of course, but that doesn't mean we can't have a national candidate. And we're not the only ones who think so; check out this email we received last night:

Local Portland OR exterior remodeling contractor, Glen Livingston is beginning a new campaign effort to draft a candidate for the Presidential nomination of the Constitution Party in 2008. Livingston believes that a woman would make the best candidate for President and he believes that woman is the Constitution Partys 2006 candidate for Oregon Governor, Mary Starrett.

"We start our effort today to draft Mary Starrett for President of the United States. She is a articulate and energetic woman who speaks her mind and is not afraid to speak out on the issues of the day." She is an outspoken advocate of the free market, against the unconstitutional war in Iraq, illegal immigration to the United States and would be the most effective person to stand up for and defend the Constitution of the United States

"The Constitution Party needs to nominate Mary Starrett as their 2008 Presidential nominee. The Party needs to reach out to women voters and nominate a person who is not a professional politician and not a male who would conduct business as usual. These are critical times for our nation."

"Mary Starrett is an outgoing, charismatic individual who can inspire this nation to the greatness that it has enjoyed for a long time."

The Draft Mary Starrett Campaign will be contacting various state party officers in the various states around the nation starting with Oregon, Washington and Idaho party activists. "This campaign hopes to energize the Constitution Party faithful and bring needed public exposure and to create activism among ordinary working people."

Let me start by saying that I can think of no better person to lead the Constitution Party's feeble assault on the Presidency than Mary. I've spoken with her, I watched her dazzle the crowd at Candidates Gone Wild during the gooobernor's race, and while we barely agree on anything, she's an articulate, clean and nice-looking African American man...er, white woman. Storybook, as they say.

Unfortunately, as was once said about Eddie van Halen's position and talent relative to the rest of his band, having Starrett lend her star-power and credibility to the Constitution Party is somewhat akin to having van Gogh paint on burlap. First of all, does anyone else find it ironic that a party which claims to love the Constitution so much that they don't want to deviate a lick from it, would say that a woman makes the best candidate for President? After all, if we had left it up to the Constitution as written, Mary couldn't even vote, much less run.

Not that I'm disputing it necessarily, but what exactly makes a woman better for the job than a man? Equal, different--yes, of course. But this almost sounds like affirmative action, attempting to crush the patriarchal old order by marking our ballots in a gesture of social engineering, with two Xs instead of one. (Get it? Double-X chromosomes appear only in females! Ha!) Apparently, when your political organization is moribund to the point where your standard bearer looks like one of these guys, after a while maybe you start thinking it's time to try something new.

The guy on the far right by the way, is Jack Brown, state Chairman of the OCP. He's a swell guy, tolerant and wise--unless you let him open his mouth. Here's what he has to say about SB2, the bill outlawing discrimination by sexual orientation:

Everyone should read this legislation. It clearly gives those who choose non-traditional sexual behavior preference over those with traditional moral values. This legislation will lock religious people inside their church buildings and let perversion occupy the rest of the landscape! We call on fair minded, freedom loving Oregonians, regardless of their political affiliations, to join us in saying "NO" to the legislators who are attempting to ram this down Oregon's throat.

So who's the other guy? He ran against Darlene Hooley, my Congresswoman, in 2004, and his name is Joseph Bitz. Just for laughs, here's his candidate statement:

CONSIDER JESUS

THE PROBLEM: In our state and nation the following are unconstitutional and against the Law or are quickly becoming that way:

One Nation Under God
Prayer
The Ten Commandments
Bible Study
In God We Trust
Christmas
Christians
Christianity

On the other hand, SIN is codified into our law and celebrated.

SIN #1: We suck baby's brains out of their heads, kill the babies, and sell the body parts to the highest bidder. The rationale given for this is that the health of the mother mandates it.
(ANTI-CHRISTIAN NONSENSE)

SIN #2: Homosexual sodomy is a behavior that continues to be promoted to the Boy Scouts of America. We are told that it is essential that our Christian boy scouts be exposed to this sinful behavior.
(ANTI-CHRIST INSANITY)

THE SOURCE OF OUR INSANITY?
(Misinterpreted First Amendment)
For the past fifty years our Federal Judicial System has taken it upon themselves to legislate from the bench. With that newly created authority, the Federal judges have erected a "high and impregnable wall of separation between church and state." They went on to say "We will not allow the slightest breach of our high and impregnable wall."

THE SOLUTION?
The "high and impregnable wall" must be done away with.
Our First Amendment's "free exercise of religion" must be returned to the people from whom it was taken. Our children will be able to pray and read the Ten Commandments any time anywhere.

Roe v. Wade will be placed in the ash can of history and the Boy Scouts of America will be freed from the oppressive cloud of homosexual sodomy.

CONSIDER JESUS when you vote.
It's time.

Aside from being a hateful, paranoid wackjob (Christians are unconstitutional??), he shows a delightful Fondness for Superfluous Capitalization. I Like That. It's Kind of Like Talking Really Loudly IN ALL CAPS, But You're Only Shouting at the Beginning of Each Word.

I'd ask Mary how she felt about all this, but I guess Livingston (who ran unsuccessfully on the CP ticket for Portland City Council 20 years ago) was a little behind on his email sending--because WWeek beat us to the punch in yesterday's edition, and she will demur:

"Shoot me, just shoot me," Starrett says, "It's like asking a woman who just had a baby to have quintuplets."

Starrett, now working as a communications director for the national Constitution Party as well as executive director of the anti-abortion Oregonians for Life, likened her 2006 campaign to being punched "in the face by someone holding a roll of quarters."

Yet Livingston believes Starrett could successfully cross the political divide. Though he's never spoken to her, Livingston is sure she could attract voters, the "true blue of America," away from the "Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum" of the two major parties.

Starrett agrees, but she laughs off Livingston's efforts. Although she says most Americans are tired of politicians' "semantic games," she says she'd be "out of her league" in a presidential run. She'd rather support someone who "could do some damage to the Republicans."

Considering the violent metaphors she uses for campaigning as a minor party candidate, I'm not so sure she thinks a woman is the best person for the job, either--maybe she thinks a WWE wrestler is more appropriate. And as a final laugh: I was making a joke about it above, but I see from his WWeek interview that Livingston is serious about it--he claims "I think she's a good choice because she's attractive and articulate." I guess that she's clean is simply a given?